Let's go round again!!!

The cyclical routine of  - consider a change, start change with enthusiasm, start losing enthisiasm, fall into bad habits due to weak will, beat self up for lack of willpower, slip into comfortable bad habits, justify with starting again next week, stop completely and rue the fact that yet another period of change has been completely undone and ineffective, plan next cycle and start again.
Sort of sums it up eh?
Don't think I missed a stage, but while the mind is still telling me I know what I need to do to get myself on track, the reality is my habits seem to have a will of their own.

I was away last week, yet I did try hard to keep myself on the straight and narrow as much as possible.
I made some lovely clean breakfast bars from one of Rachel Holmes KSFL 30 days detox recipe book and had those each day for my breakfast, and during the morning. (One bar lasted me for a few hours in small pieces).
Lunch was provided, Cold meats, salad, then a host of other salads that I don't actually like anyway (potato, cous cous etc), so in order to stave off the hunger, I chose a small piece of quiche and some cold curried rice as plate fillers.
Evening meal  was more tricky due to eating out and needing some filling food, so I chose reasonably wisely.
I had, Thai fish cakes with sweet potato chips and salad on one evening, and a small ham bubble and squeak with an egg on another and shared a £10 dinner for 2 from one of the big supermarkets, with roasted veg, lemon chicken and garlic mash for the other.
Small portions of most, with not eating much during the day, and I am sure things were going well. Then I got back home.
The train came off the rails a little, though I still tried to minimise it, I was getting back to being hungry out of habit.
It seems for me "going cold turkey" leads my brain to rebel, and as my willpower is weak, I am going to have to attack it in a different way.
My veg intake has become very low over the years, mostly through laziness and bad habit, so I feel that starting by sorting my Veg intake is for me a better way to tackle my seemingly neverending cycle.
I need to be forming new habits.
So, patience and habit re-training is where my focus needs to be. For long term effect I need to get cracking on the small things first, then once they are habits move on to the next ones.
I can see this project is going to take some time. But I am sure I am worth the effort it will need to get me back to more healthy eating habits and out of the destructive cycle I keep finding myself in.

Invictus (Unconquered)

Probably an apt title considering I have been Volunteering at the 2014 Invictus Games Athletes training camp for 3 days this week, pre Games time. And the fact that today is the 13th anniversary of the Twin Towers collapse in the USA.

The athletes... all wounded warriors from various countries around the world coming together to compete in a selection of games.

Having spent 3 days with them, it is evident that they are happy when involved with comrades who understand them, who know what they are going through, and who accept them for who they are.

Many have struggled with their own identity after, having been part of the military, they had to leave without it being their own choice of timing to do so.
Truly inspirational and humbling experience, and felt very proud to be involved.

So where does this fit with food?

Well we discuss over and over with our friends and anyone that will listen sometimes, about the trials and tribulations of our food habits, and get the camaraderie of thinking via blogs and nutrition sites. We share a common bond.

I wouldn't dream of comparing those athletes struggle with our food issues, they do not even come close on the scale of 1-10.

Certainly nowhere near the scale of the guys who have overcome such struggle just to survive, and when you put it all into perspective, you just think........

We all know what we should be doing, let's just stop whinging about how difficult it is to do and get on with it.

A tale of 2 halves

Very aware that I signed up to a "Sugarfree September" I woke up yesterday absolutely starving and feeling incredibly grumpy and deprived.
I needed to eat!!!
Now normally I never have my breakfast much before 10am, but at 7.30 I needed food and damn it I was going to have what I bloomin well liked (swear words changed to protect the innocent ears amongst us :-) )
I put spread and marmite onto 2 cream crackers and munched with a "Hah that'll teach you to starve me", then I went back for another 2, then I had some Thai Sweet Chilli Crisps.....Yes  I know will power needed to be exerted, but I was just so....anti "stopping me eat" stuff.... ooh how the mind works.
I made lunch to take out with me, cooked some chicken strips in spices to make my own goujons and added them to salad, with a portion of berries for after. (See! Healthy lunch)
I went to teach my exercise class.
I headed home to change - oops another packet of crisps opened, bugger...ah well I really don't care.
Off to work, eat most of lunch, go to visit my mum and dad, access Chocolate caramel wafer and cheddars. Blimey this is going well!! :-( Then my 2nd class of the day, and afterwards had food cooked for me which happened to be ham, egg and potato wedges.
Funnily while I was eating it I really wasn't enjoying it.
But damn I felt much better later in the evening.

Then today I woke, feeling much brighter and discovered it was "that time of the month" again.....ahhhhhhh explains a lot.
I opened up my brand new KSFL detox programme meal book, and thought I'd find a few recipes I could buy for and make that I would actually enjoy.
I headed to meet a friend for a cuppa and a chat, got through 2 cups of tea (not having had breakfast beforehand)
Went shopping to stock up on the food for my evening meal, then visited another friend for more tea. It is now 6pm in the evening and I have not eaten anything all day, and am only now starting to feel a little peckish.
A natural intermittent fast maybe?
An unhealthy eating habit, certainly, but that is one of my issues. Some days I just want to eat, and some days I just really don't fancy food.
I realise this is where I need training.....My brain needs to be re-trained.
Initially the thought of just protein and veg for 30days sent me into a cold sweat of resistance, and resistance is futile as far as I am concerned, we can crack this reluctance and get the veg back into my diet.
Let the retraining begin.
I am starting with hiding my veg in food, so I get more veg, then I can work on adding Veg as a separate part of a meal, and then I can start working on my proper healthy eating for life.
"We are what we repeatedly do" therefore I need to repeatedly do healthy stuff.
It's a slow process, and this blog will be interesting and challenging, as part of me thinks, if I give up no-one will know or care, except me of course, and maybe it is me that should care the most.

One Step at a time

Today I have the mental challenges ahead, I am already in the "voices in the head" zone, questioning why I am bothering to even give this a go as I won't last it, but there has to be a way to get around them, apart from ignoring them and trying to gain some will power.
Others manage it, what makes me feel I need to give up before I have even started.
Maybe a more gradual approach is needed. Me and Veg are not suddenly going to be best friends, and just going into it head on has always caused me to stop eating rather than increase the good elements, so little and slowly maybe.

I heard tale of someone who gave up smoking, yet continued to carry a packet of cigarettes in their pocket. They did this for years, and when asked if they were a smoker, they replied. "YES I just haven't had one today yet." And when asked "so when was your last one?" they replied, "About 15 years ago"
Maybe the mantra needs to be. CARBS/ Sugar, Yes I eat them if I want, I just haven't had them yet today

Yawning for Weight Loss? (As opposed to Yearning ;-) )

OK I admit, yesterday was not great. I think I neglected to add that I, like a spoilt child, stamped my feet and decided I was also going to have a packet of crisps, after all no-one can tell me what I can or can't have eh? Funnily I didn't enjoy them, so that was wasted calories etc then wasn't it?
Having been on a positive high for a few days, I find I am starting to slip into a bit of a fog, lethargy setting in and the contant yawning amused my classes last night while I was teaching. I think rather than move to the music tempo we were timing our reps by the length of my yawning. Just as well most of the class is taught with them following rather than facing. But still we managed a workout, and still yawning I made it via the shops to stock up on more healthy veg, and then home, where I duly ignored all the veg I had bought and munched on avocado and prawns.
Small steps eh?
Having recently bought a copy of the  "Kick Start your Fat Loss" 30 day detox book along with the sweet savoury treats book, I decided it might actually be an idea to find some recipes that I might enjoy, include Veg and will mean me not having to repair the pesky wheels on that Wagon too often.

Darn and blast it the wheel's come off!

OK, so the usual happens, and the wagon wobbled greatly from all the shaking up of the mind. So the Wheels on the Wagon wobbled a little, then the wobbling grew more difficult to ignore and suddenly the wheel came off and one foot landed firmly on the floor and ended up in the cream cracker barrel dipping into hummus, followed by an untimely few tortilla chips.

OK I think that's out of the system now, so I have fixed the wheel back on, and have given the driver a good talking to.

The irritations of Day 1

Being unprepared is never a good plan. Bacon & Eggs first thing, very nice, then a massage (as you do) bought some healthy (for me) food for lunch. Prawns, tomatoes, mushrooms, mini peppers. Some berries and some nuts. Plus did get some hummus, even though I hoped I would not need to dip into it. Always prefer to make my own. But mid afternoon hit me and the mushrooms were dunked in the hummus for good measure. I never manage too many veggies at once, so for me not a bad start.
Struggling with the mental bit already and have the voices starting in my head to go and fix myself some real food, a crisp sarnie would be nice :-)
This will only get worse as the voices start doing battle. So far I am resisting, hah it is just day 1 after all.
I did succumb to a couple of cups of tea today though with dairy milk in, sadly no almond milk, I will be making some tomorrow, and had hoped it would take the edge of that "I'm being deprived" thing.  Things will get better if the willpower can kick in. And mentally is already challenging. :-)
Salmon with Veg for dinner after a few miles walking in the forest.
And...tomorrow is another day.

Day 1 Sugar Free September

Hah so day 1 starts, I decided to watch the pre-challenge video. And already my head is in the Ugh zone. How amazing that the mind works like that.
Of course I haven't prepared, so off to shop later. BUT, my big thing is I do not particularly like sweet food anyway, so do I really have a problem with sugar? Well not in its very sweet form.
Now of course I like the occasional chocolate, but I never crave it. If I eat rubbish (it is the stuff that counts as high sugar food) it is savoury stuff, so mainly Crisps and savoury biscuits with cheese etc. so that will be my big challenge, actually no I think my bigger challenge will be the VEG. I just don't eat it that much.
So there is where my work will need to be done.
More later....